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Beyond Talking

This section will explore some of the reasons why direct talking may not be the best or only way of communicating with children and young people.


Depending on factors such as their age and stage of development, children do not always have the words, cognitive concepts or emotional awareness to name and convey complex feelings and experiences. Instead they make sense of and communicate these through more symbolic languages, such as play. These have been described as the 'hundred languages of childhood' (Edwards et al, 2003).

Familiarity with and confidence in these varied modes of communication may help you in your assessments and interventions with children.

What are some of the "hundred languages of childhood"?

  • Play

  • Image

  • Metaphor - Metaphors are the imaginative use of names of terms for objects or actions to which they do not literally apply. They contain an implied comparison, presenting the real world symbolically through an alternative picture. For example, you might ask the child to draw a picture of herself as if she were a fruit tree (Geldard & Geldard, 2008, p.129).

  • Body language - This refers to the "bodily movements which accompany speech and which add meaning to the interaction", e.g. facial expression, eye contact, posture, orientation, proximity, fine and gross movement, clothing and artefacts (Thompson, 2003, p.97-8).

  • Paralanguage - means the various elements which accompany and amend the spoken word, such as speed, tone, loudness, pitch and intonation (Thompson, 2003).

  • Relational style

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Beyond Talking

Understanding more about the role of symbolism in the way children make sense of the world will help you think about how and when to incorporate play and creative methods into your work with children. Understanding more about the role of symbolism in the way children make sense of the world will help you think about how and when to incorporate play and creative methods into your work with children.

Symbolism

The formation of experience into symbols is a crucial developmental achievement which enables children to re-present and understand the world. The capacity to symbolise frees up thoughts from mere perception so that people, objects, actions and events take on meanings which aren't just determined by their physical properties. This in turn enables reflection and the imagination to develop (Scarlett et al 2005).

Think for a moment about some of the games infants and young children play, such as peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek. Whilst they are fun in their own right, such play can have a metaphorical and symbolic meaning which can help children to make sense of and manage confusing and unsettling experiences.

Peek-a-boo

Peek-a-boo is a game which, with variations, is fairly universal across cultures (Scarlett et al, 2005). Its main rule is that something like the parent, an object, or the infant herself disappears and then reappears. Caregivers provide cues and supports through their body language and paralanguage to help infants realise this is play.


Exercise

Jot down in a notepad what kinds of symbolic meaning you think these games might represent for children and what developmental functions they serve. When you have finished click 'check' to read our suggestions.

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Beyond Talking

Check

Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek play a significant part in a child's development. They help children to:

  • Express complex thoughts and feelings
  • Gain mastery over difficult experiences
  • Learn the kinds of rules and patterns which enable them to cope with and make sense of the world

So, playing with the process of disappearance and reappearance in these games enables infants and children to learn how to 'read' the situation and manage the loss and anxiety at when their parents come and go. Developmentally this can also help them to develop 'object permanence'.

'Object permanence'

This is the capacity to know that things and people continue to exist even when they are out of sight. Children don't usually start to develop this with things until around 8 months old, though there is some evidence that the process begins earlier with other people (Scarlett et al, 2005). Before this stage is reached they just forget about things and people that disappear for more than a couple of seconds. Successfully moving through this stage leads on to the development of attachment relationships and behaviours.

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Beyond Talking

Whilst for most children the capacity to identify and express their needs, inner thoughts and feelings in words develops over time, for others it does not.

The impact of certain disabilities may mean a child does not use spoken language, or has very limited spoken language, or uses language in an unusual way. Instead they may use augmentative or alternative communication methods (AAC) such as sign, symbols, pictures or electronic communication aids. You may require help from an interpreter or someone who knows the child well.

James communicates through body language and facial expression. His sister describes him well. She says that he "beams all over" when he is happy and "screams all over" when he is upset. I think that sums him up really. Perhaps I would add that there are many shades of grey between the beam and the scream.

Parent, (quoted by Murray 92006) in Marchant (2008).

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Beyond Talking

For other children that use social care services, the effects of disability, abuse, neglect, trauma and insecurity of attachment mean they are less able to coherently convey their thoughts, feelings, wishes and concerns.

Children like Cassie (right) remind us how difficult conversations and direct questions about their abusive and neglectful experiences are for them.

Some do not understand what is being said, or have guilty, unclear or ambivalent feelings about the issue under discussion. They may respond to questioning in all kinds of ways.

Case Example

Cassie's parents' over-use of alcohol, cannabis and heroin has affected their parenting and prevented them from meeting her needs.

At school Cassie is smelly, hungry, isolated and friendless, failing to engage with others or to achieve educationally.

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Beyond Talking

How many of the following responses do you think children might give when workers ask questions about how they feel, why they did something, or who did something to them?

Write down your choices on a piece of paper and then click 'Check' to reveal our response.

  1. Look away and stay stiff and silent
  2. Tell the worker what she needs to know
  3. Say "I don't want to talk about it"
  4. Shrug and say "Don't know"
  5. Tell you about something completely different
  6. Hit the worker

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Beyond Talking

Check

You will have seen that children may respond in any of these ways, and there are many more possibilities besides. Sometimes workers will be lucky enough to get straightforward answers to their questions but often they have to be much more creative and patient. They should also consider what the child's behaviour or body language might reveal about their feelings or experiences, although it is important not to jump to conclusions.

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Beyond Talking

Using play, visual images, metaphors, or other creative arts, as part of an assessment or 'direct work', may be a better way of helping such children to express themselves more freely, in their own ways, and on their own terms.

For example, the school social worker could get Cassie to draw a picture of her home or to depict life at home with small figures.

These methods can help children to convey their inner experiences without getting stuck with the words. They can also help young people discuss their feelings without having to disclose what is really happening when they are worried about the consequences of doing so.

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Beyond Talking

Sometimes young people will be difficult to engage in direct conversations because their experience has been that adults don't understand them, are not interested in what they say or don't do what they want.

Until they get to know their workers and trust them they are less likely to communicate issues of concern to them.

Games and activities can provide children and their workers with a 'third thing' to focus on when something difficult is under discussion and help a relationship to develop so that children feel safer (Winnicott, 1996).

'Third thing'

The 'third thing' or 'third object' is something for the worker and child to focus on together which takes them away from the uncomfortable intensity of their interaction, and can defuse tension in difficult situations. These could include artwork, toys, board or computer games, playing with pets or animals, or chatting about the child's hobbies or any shared interests to help establish a connection.

Examples of Third Thing activities

  • drawing and painting
  • kicking a ball around together
  • going for a burger
  • singing songs along to the radio
  • playing meaningful games - see Geldard and Geldard (2008) for more suggestions of games.

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Beyond Talking

Whilst adults who use services often find direct conversations and questions very difficult, too, workers always need to think about children's communicative age and stage of development. This means:

  • Thinking about the kinds of words and sentence structure to use
  • Ensuring the complexity of what is being said is at the right level
  • Seeing if non-verbal forms of communication such as images might also be needed

Case Example

Cassie's social worker realises he needs to find out from her teacher more about her cognitive stage. He also just spends some time drawing and playing with her to build some trust and learn more about how she communicates.

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Beyond Talking

Children's particular feelings of fear and powerlessness should also be considered. Many children will feel wary of speaking to stranger adults. Children like Cassie might also have been specifically told by their parents not to speak to social workers about family problems.

Children might also be less likely than adults to think what they say to a worker will be taken seriously. Our society tends to prioritise adults' views above those of children and children like Cassie may feel their views will not be listened to or respected by social workers. It will be important to give a clear message about this.

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Beyond Talking

What approach should you use and when?

This will be unique for each child.

Like Cassie's social worker, try starting with a period of non-directive play where you follow, play alongside, rather than lead. You can mirror, join in with or just comment on the play. This gives you an idea of the children's natural way of communicating their experience.

With teenagers you might aim to spend some time together without any agenda and support them in choosing the activity.

Speaking to adults who know the children well (e.g. parents, carers, teachers) can also be invaluable in gathering information on their interests and communicative style.

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Beyond Talking

The more modes and approaches you feel confident using the more likely it is you and the child will find the way which works best between you (Lefevre, 2008).

In order to help prepare yourself for such work, answer the reflective questions below.

If you have very little experience of children, you might find it useful to do some observations of children at play to learn more about their play (see Turney, 2008, for guidance). Also try reflecting back on your own experiences of play and activities as a child.

The next section will explore ways of using visual arts, creative writing, stories and music in some more depth.

Reflective Questions

  1. What games and activities do you feel comfortable playing with children and young people of different ages?
  2. How might these be helpful in your direct work with children and young people?
  3. What resources or additional training and development do you need to support you in communication with children and young people?